At This Very Moment


At this very moment in time I am sitting quietly in a favorite local cafe of mine. I chose to open up my blog, and write some words as I sip on some of Java Dog’s finest brewed coffee. I realize I feel like an alien to this world. I feel beyond space-time, yet simultaneously stuck in vessel on Earth traveling through life. Admittedly, I cannot say if this a good thing or not, but perhaps it is not for me to say anyhow. All I know is I feel as though I am from another universe sometimes. I do seem to spend a lot of time alone, even if around other people like while at work for instance or sitting in class. This is fine to an extent, but I would definitely appreciate some more social company from time to time. The problem is, however, that I don’t really feel connected to many folks down here. I moved here to Wilmington at the tail end of December last year. Here I am, and my social life is nothing to brag about, my academic career is mediocre at best, and my job is barely bringing home anything to speak of. Honestly, I am considering going on a sort of secular sabbatical. I have connected with the idea of travel for a considerable amount of time now. Ideally I would wait until after finishing my bachelors degree up, but part of me questions if I can wait anymore. I know there is much more to life than going to class, working a few shifts a week, etc. I understand, DEEPLY, there is much more life to live than puttering around here thinking I am wasting my time. I know there is much more “risk” in jumping into a life of nomadic traveling, but what is there to lose? I would gladly lose my life of mediocrity here for a ravishing adventure abroad. Certainly, if money was not an issue I would never in a million years chose to sit around Wilmington wishing I was else where. So maybe I should give “convention” a big F-U and move on with my life, or better yet, move INTO LIFE!

PEACE!

-Paul

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14 thoughts on “At This Very Moment”

    1. Yes I am leaning that way and have been for some time. I just had to think I have been wasting my time at uni but then again at least I would be re-invigorated and more inspired to pursue, as you said, my dreams!! Thanks for the comment πŸ™‚

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  1. Move into life indeed but with a toolbox… of a degree , perhaps savings and language courses? Then it is going to be YOU who decide what is your next step… SO hold on tight and try to use your creativity as to make Wimlington an exciting place for the moment.Then plan well ahead and …execute! It always works;-)

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    1. I am trying πŸ™‚ My excitement has been missing for quite some time, I just will focus on my studies and planning my “next step” in the mean time. I am also working, so if nothing else I will have a bit of income coming through each week. I very well may decide to transfer colleges, but that would not delay my degree process at all. I would be much happier somewhere else, that much is true.

      Thanks for the thoughtful words!!

      -Paul

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Well if you are unhappy, indeed change it! Move colleges and don’t waste your precious time. But do not forget that even now when you really think everything sucks , life gives you a hard lesson. And these lessons for some reason are most educative, moving us towards the right direction as later you will see;-). Been through it:D Left college and moved to Edinburgh…and that changed my entire world as later I have realized. Good luck!!

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  2. Your words are strangely familiar to me, not so much in the particular details of your life, the similarities contained are in the feelings that are your driving force towards the unsettledness you are experiencing in the situation you are in. What i have found so far, is that we can push this inner life force to the side, we can store it away, we can postpone it, but in the end IT is what drives our being towards the truth of ourselves. It takes tremendous courage to follow your heart, your truth, especially if your ideas don’t fit another, but we can not hold ourselves to the ideas of another of who we are, in the end that will never work. You are aware, you know what you need to do for yourself already in your young life, you have probably already decided this on some level, if you choose to jump, don’t worry about the details so much, life has a way of paving it out when you follow your Truth.

    I wish you well, where ever you are.

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    1. Wow THANK YOU for such BEAUTIFUL comment!!! I have decided on a deeper level, I just have compromised that finishing my B.A. degree (after this Fall, I will only be 3 semesters away from graduation), is important enough to hang in there for the mean time. I have decided to shift my perspective; instead of focusing on how much class is substandard, how I hate working part time while attending uni, etc I will focus on the “upside” of things. I will remind myself I am less than 2 years from graduation, that I will do well in all my courses to get the most out of my undergrad as I can, that I would ultimately regret dropping out early at some later time, etc. In other words, I have decided on completing B.A. so I am working form the premise.

      Again, thank you for such a well composed comment. That means the world to me as I have be on WordPress for over 3 years now and have missed the dialogue aspect of it. Please, don’t be a stranger.

      Cheers!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. sounds as though you have a plan, thats wonderful. You can’t go wrong from wherever you are standing, if you stay true to yourself. Try not to be hard on yourself, you will know when the time is right for any change you are wanting to embrace. There really is no wrong way towards anything you are seeing for yourself. I know without knowing you, you will be just fine.
        Carly

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