Stagnation


This stagnation is like the wrong kind of stillness.  Beyond boredom and more than mere inactivity, this state is nothing but destructive and wholly unsatisfying.  I’ve grown tired of this lack of movement,momentum and pursuit of life goals.  Even just daily life has grown all too predictable and monotonous.  If nothing else life should be unpredictable and exciting especially at this stage.  Life ought to be invigorating and inspiring, not mundane and repetitive.  As a young twenty something I would expect life to be somewhat crazy and hectic in a healthy way, but instead my days seem to be about as wild as a Tuesday evening in a nursing home!  This obviously needs to change as soon as possible.  For this sort of lifestyle is taking a toll on my attitude and expressions in daily life – I seem to be dulled and even somewhat angry most of the time.  This is not to say I am constantly blowing up at people or anything like that, but I am certainly not my usual carefree and relaxed self.  To make matters worse, I have been in complete limbo – out of school and unemployed for several months.  Fortunately this is soon to change I have just recently landed one, possibly two, jobs as of last week.  Additionally, I will most likely be moving out of my house as I transfer to a four year university come January in order to complete my undergraduate degree.  This change is long overdue to say the least.  At the age of 24 I will at last begin my life on my own terms away from my hometown and all prior acquaintances.  I truly cannot wait as I miss school dearly.  Beyond the academic classroom, I dearly miss the social pleasures involved with attending college.  I myself am an avid believer in the “work hard, play hard” approach to life.  I also am very much looking forward to an increase in female companionship after quite an extended absence of meeting new women, never mind dating someone.  I have been pretty single my entire life and although there is nothing wrong with this s per say, it does get lonesome and surely leaves something to be desired. Despite the fact that most everyone I know around my age in a relationship is unsatisfied to some degree, I would wager that my maturity, intelligence and sensitivity to the needs of others would render me a pretty good partner if the right young lady came around.  I am not about to hold my breath by any means.  At any rate going away to college is without a doubt a healthy progression towards a completely independent adult life out there in society.  The anticipation is strong and my expectations are reasonably high as this move has been essentially a lifelong goal of mine.  Unfortunately, this dream has been delayed for far too long but that will cease to weigh down on me as soon as I enroll and begin attending classes.  Thus I can only I hope that in less than three months time I will be adjusting to life away from home at a new university in a different state.  January cannot come soon enough!!!

-Paul

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6 thoughts on “Stagnation”

  1. I get this feeling all the time, so you’re definitely not alone here…not to mention that it takes me a long time to actually get out of it. That being said, although I’m not too sure how you feel after posting this, it’s probably cathartic to just vent that out — I hope that’s how you felt, anyway. Certainly works for me, but yeah…

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  2. Thanks for dropping by my place, Paul. From the sounds of this post, you have a lot to look forward to in the near future. Lots of changes, lots of new people. Find the right crowd. Don’t forget why you’re there, and you’ll do great. I think college years are the best years of our lives and the most influential. I wish you well. Stop by anytime, Hope.

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  3. I know this feeling all too well. I too am currently out of school for a while. I’m supposed to be working on my mental health but I’ve been falling apart more. I miss the days when I could see my friends as well as learn new things in class. However with me there was always a certain level of anxiety while on campus (alone that is). I don’t know how much good this break is doing me, or if I’d be mentally sound enough to return in January *sigh*
    Paul, there’s a post I wrote that I’d really like you to read. Thus far as I’ve been on this site, I’m happy to have found your blog. Even though you struggle with depression like myself, your soul is so enriched and I really believe you’re gonna win this battle. Now, here I am, complete stranger, reaching out to you because I need help. I’ve been trying, but things feel out of my hand now, and I hope that a person filled with as much wisdom as you can help show me the light again.
    Everything is in this post:
    http://thatborderlinegirl.wordpress.com/2014/11/02/stuck-in-reverse/
    Please, I’d appreciate the help/support… anything… *sigh*
    Thanks
    – Nicky

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    1. No worries, Nicky, I am reading your post now. Thanks for such kind words, I hope I can be of service to you. If nothing else, you have a blogger friend in me forever and always! I will support you to the best of my ability. If nothing else, sometimes just the fact of knowing someone out there cares about you and is rooting for you can help – especially on the darker and lonesome days.

      Thanks again for stopping by and leaving such a touching comment!

      -Paul

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