that “depression” is anger turned inward. So what is anger turned outward? As of late, I have felt an inner anger. I am not happy, never have been really, but whatever – I am not sure if that is the real “goal” in life anyways. This is an interesting albeit somewhat disturbing or at least agitating place to be. I find the world or society or whatever you may want to term it utterly unacceptable. I really it “exists” and I am not delusional in that sense.
I am questioning. I am inquiring. I do not have “the Answer.” But damn, this predicament is trying to say the least.
In fact, I am having trouble in finding the right words to use in order to express myself. I am not alone in this dilemma, but I am certainly in the minority, with the understanding that I have about the world.
Anger is dangerous, and I am not really sure what to do while “angry” with “the world?”
I remember clearly when I was in 7th grade my teacher held me after class to single me out and ask me why I am “mad at the world?” Perhaps at the moment I did not have a good response but I think now I am starting to understand why I have felt “bad” for my entire life. And please, do not claim my brain is defected!
The answer does not come in pill form nor is it called Prozac or Abilify or whatever cute name some rep came up with.
I have wasted many years, shed many tears, and yet here I am stronger mentally as ever and ready to burst out into the world on my own. After all, my current residence and surrounding area is essentially dead to me. There are no more opportunities of interest here. My time has come, so to speak.
I do not like walking around “pissed off.” I wish I smiled more. Laughter is therapy. However, I am aware of some things that really do NOT sit well with me.
This is reality. This is life. Nah, I will not accept it. I will not be a sell out to the System. I know too much. I have seen too much. I understand, to an extent, what is “going on.” And it is not “okay.”