It has been said…


that “depression” is anger turned inward.  So what is anger turned outward?  As of late, I have felt an inner anger.  I am not happy, never have been really, but whatever – I am not sure if that is the real “goal” in life anyways.  This is an interesting albeit somewhat disturbing or at least agitating place to be.  I find the world or society or whatever you may want to term it utterly unacceptable.  I really it “exists” and I am not delusional in that sense.

 

I am questioning.  I am inquiring.  I do not have “the Answer.”  But damn, this predicament is trying to say the least.

 

In fact, I am having trouble in finding the right words to use in order to express myself.  I am not alone in this dilemma, but I am certainly in the minority, with the understanding that I have about the world.

 

Anger is dangerous, and I am not really sure what to do while “angry” with “the world?”

 

I remember clearly when I was in 7th grade my teacher held me after class to single me out and ask me why I am “mad at the world?”  Perhaps at the moment I did not have a good response but I think now I am starting to understand why I have felt “bad” for my entire life.  And please, do not claim my brain is defected!

 

The answer does not come in pill form nor is it called Prozac or Abilify or whatever cute name some rep came up with.

 

I have wasted many years, shed many tears, and yet here I am stronger mentally as ever and ready to burst out into the world on my own.  After all, my current residence and surrounding area is essentially dead to me.  There are no more opportunities of interest here.  My time has come, so to speak.

 

I do not like walking around “pissed off.”  I wish I smiled more.  Laughter is therapy.  However, I am aware of some things that really do NOT sit well with me.

 

This is reality.  This is life.  Nah, I will not accept it.  I will not be a sell out to the System.  I know too much.  I have seen too much.  I understand, to an extent, what is “going on.”  And it is not “okay.”

 

Peace,

-Paul

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9 thoughts on “It has been said…”

  1. “Anger is dangerous, and I am not really sure what to do while “angry” with “the world?”

    Now, that is a real question: What do we do while angry with the world…?

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    1. I read this post again now. I wish you elaborate more on the cause of your anger. Do try to express yourself, to find the “right words”, cause doing that is highly therapeutic.

      You cannot feel in touch with Source unless you understand and fully go through what it is at hand.

      Just be angry, if you are angry – just let the process unfold.

      It is an heroic deed, to go through your inner predicament.

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  2. Paul, I understand fully where you are coming from and what you are feeling… been there, done that… I found anger is just a facet of fear, sometimes aimed at self, but usually projected outward. If you could experience your Self as Source, anger and fear would not be possible. Spend some just being who you really are: LOVE!!

    Peace, to you, brother!

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  3. HI Paul! It’s been a while.

    I’ve just spent too long studying that I left blogging on the back burner. Sorry to see you’re still trying to deal with depression. I’m glad you’re still fighting it though. I’m also glad that you’re still passionately seeking a way to be part of a solution to the problems with society. I’m always horrified and disillusioned when I talk to self-obsessed people who don’t give a second thought to how their selfish actions affect others. This is all the more reason to be passionate for positive change, people are more inspired when they see passionate people even if they don’t show or pretend they’re not. So keep fighting, it may inspire those with dormant feelings of anger to fight alongside you or it may sway people who never really thought about it before.

    Natasha

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    1. Thank you for the beautiful words of encouragement! Sorry for my delayed response but I LITERALLY have not had internet access for a month due to “hospitalization” to put it nicely. I will write more about my hellish experiences in due time, but I really appreciate the words from you I just read.

      “Sleep is the cousin of death,” and I am too “awake” to fall back asleep no matter what trial or tribulation I may be going through.

      PEACE!

      -Paul

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  4. Depression is also a chemical imbalance.
    As far as being angry at the world, why? Anything you can change?
    At the least, live your life as an example of how you think the world should be.

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  5. Having an anger-based personality (and being German, Irish, and a Leo) I can empathize with your words, ‘247. I haven’t like being this way and like, El Guapo said, I have made it a priority in recent years to find out who and what I am…what I can change about myself to make my world a happier place. It was then that I learned about my anger-based persona and have come to accept it; work with it.

    Thank you for your transparent discussion of yourself.

    -Chris

    Liked by 1 person

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