I am having trouble coming up with an appropriate title but I will leave it as such for the time being. I have been experiencing this sort of unwelcome preventative procrastination, if you will. Procrastination is really not the right word, because what I am experiencing seems much deeper than that. And its with my entire LIFE, not just a menial paper or task.
I just don’t understand this – and by “this” I mainly am referring to my negligence in taking good care of myself. And I mean this in a very holistic sense. Physically, yes that too, I am out of shape, but that is not my main concern for it is secondary to the core problem, being diagnosed with major “depression.”
Thanks to American sick care, oh I mean, “healthcare,” the only viable option as far as treatment goes is drugs and therapy. I could write volumes on this, but for now I will just say this does not work, at least not for me. Simple logic says that means I must seek something else out in order to “get better.” However, at this point, I know the “medications” that I take are contributing to the problem, if not the problem themselves.
So this means I need to find a way to safely and effectively ween off of my medications. This will be a long and likely arduous process, but necessary nonetheless.
What I am perplexed by is my lack of motivation or willingness to follow through with even just initiating the process. Rationally, there is no option but to withdraw from these drugs ASAP. And by ASAP I mean now, not some everlasting “tomorrow.”
There is like some mental block that I am seemingly unable to get past here. I understand what I need to do, yet I am not doing it. What is that?! Its like knowing the right answer on a test but leaving the question blank. What is that all about?
I see the door, I just need to force my way through it. But how?! Then again, this is not really a question of how – that is secondary. It is more of a question of WHY or WHY NOT?