How much more livable would life be if we just accepted what is rather than what we want to see? Of course, there is no measurement of beyond the finite-ness of our little human minds, even those with “larger than life” egos.
See I do not know exactly at what point thought stops and the mind is transcended, perhaps because I have not sustained such an experience, and even if I have, there is no language available to accurately describe it. Yes, “it.” Sorry, I do not have a more satisfying word.
But, unlike most people, I do not wish to try to spend the “rest of my life” futilely attempting to conform reality to my standards, or try to manipulate my standards to fit so-called “reality.”
I wish to see what is, instead of drowning my mind with thoughts of what is not. For then, perhaps, I may discover aliveness; rebirth if you will. I want to experience and sustain, which just means to live, intelligence – forever.
There is no good definition for the real kind of intelligence that I am referring to. There only is what is, realization of what is.
I don’t know, maybe I don’t need to, but I sure do want to find out. I don’t think want is the right word, or rather the right way to go about this…transformation of existence? According to Krishnamurti, but in my own words, there is not such process which would require time because there is only the now in which this happens instantaneously; in an instant. Now. And I believe this because it seems to be true, not simply because a brilliant mind announced it, but since it sits well with me, deeply, internally, as truth.
However, I also realize that so long as I am seeking, I will have not found whatever it is I am looking for.
So how do I defeat desire, or rather, more simply, end all desire, which is ego? Nothing good comes from the ego, this I know – not from logic but from the synthesis or agreement of heart and mind resulting in truth. This may be subjective truth, but if I am the world, as Krishnamurti says, and the world is me than subjectivity is objectivity – there is no division. It is the thoughts that divide everything.
You see, ultimately, what I want is to understand or at least genuinely experience what is in it’s pure form without any pollution from thought. That is my goal I guess. But I have to unlearn this as a goal. I cannot seek since I will not find. I must realize what is. This is so simple I almost, if any bit at all, cannot understand it. Maybe it is experience for which I learn; intelligence.
How can I bring about such a movement? But once again, such a question defeats the purpose.