Since tomorrow is my birthday, I will take some time now to reflect on the 364 days past


I will be turning 22, which is just like turning 21, only with a whole lot less significance (drinking age in USA is 21).  Ah, one more year is just about to be “in the books,” so before that happens I will do my annual “Life Check-Up” reflection on the past year of, well, my life.  Not that I only think about my life once a year, more like everyday, but every year around my birthday I have an urge to take some time to reflect on the year past.  Thus, the time is now to continue on with my annual personal tradition, but with a twist – this year its going viral, or at least public, to all viewers of my WordPress page!  Whether anyone will read this or not is up to YOU but that is not the purpose of this post.  I just thought it might be interesting to publish my personal life goals and such in hopes I might get some motivation or added external insight, or something along those lines.  Basically, I am doing what I do every year, but this is the first time my tradition will cross the world wide web.  So, without further a due…

Not much has changed.  In fact, a lot is pretty much the same as it was one year ago.  I am still living at home with my family, and I am still attending the local community college – although I will be graduating upon completion of this Fall semester.  But basically, my life in those fundamental regards is exactly the same as it has been ever since…forever concerning living at home, and ever since Fall 2009 since beginning my college career.  I am also still taking psychiatric drugs, a combination of four different ones to be exact, which I am unsatisfied with to say the very least.  However, I have sort of moved on from talk therapy appointments, which is a good thing, not because I am against talk therapy – for I think it is much more helpful than any given drug – but because it was just time for me to be on my own in a sense.  I no loner felt the need to make weekly appointments so I pretty much just stopped going.  The last appointment was sometime in the late Spring if I am remembering correctly.  So I guess you could say I am proud of that fact, although the medication problem is totally unresolved.

I met a girl, she reads my blog so I don’t want to type things I have yet to verbally say to her – but our friendship is nothing but a good thing.  I am glad to have met her, without a doubt.  She is one of my very few close friends, and I am truly thankful for that.

I have another really good friend, my man, Sirius.  We are pretty tight and he is like a brother to me.  He doesn’t read this so I could say whatever I want, but I think I have said all I need to, for now.  He’s got a real good heart, despite an unfortunate family situation, and there is nothing less that I want for him than to have Sirius realize and manifest his dreams, whatever they might really be if not The League.

Um, yeah so my life is kinda boring; that or I just cannot think of what to write.  Like I said, nothing extraordinary has changed.  Or maybe I am just being stubborn, for what I want most of all is to be medication free.  A great paradox exists though, which is that due to my numbness – see my previous post – I am unable to feel motivated to do anything about it.  This is all very difficult to explain, but as badly as I know deep down that I want to be off of the drugs, I also am very complacent, despite being unsatisfied.  I am (un)comfortably numb – and yes, that is a Pink Floyd reference!

That brings me to discussing the future.  My primary goal is to withdraw safely and effectively from all psychiatric medication, and to be honest, after I finish up school is as good a time as ever to start the process.  This is my tentative plan, since I already have a contact in NYC to a treatment center of sorts that features an excellent doctor, of whose books I have read, and not-so-standard therapists for counseling.  This place is as close as perfect as its going to get for me, and its right across the way in NYC.  I have emailed the director, and just need to make a phone call to set up an appointment.  This gives me confidence in pursuing my goal, and I have yet to meet any of the people that work there.  I just have sense that this place will help.  And this will be nothing short of absolutely life changing – and all for the better.

Yes my hopes are high, but they should be.  I have done extensive research on psychiatry and withdrawal processes which only bolsters my innate hope.  I know that, especially in the long run, this process of weening off the drugs will permit me to live a full life – and not just in the sense of aging, but in being fully present in every way.

There will be more to come on this, for sure, but until then if by chance you have any experience or knowledge on the matter of withdrawing from psychiatric drugs, please get in touch or just comment below.  Thank you!

So there you have it, a quite short and probably incomplete reflection on my last year of existence and my main goal looking at the year ahead.

PEACE!

-Paul

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13 thoughts on “Since tomorrow is my birthday, I will take some time now to reflect on the 364 days past”

  1. Can I just say HAPPY BIRTHDAY for tomorrow!!!!!!!
    Oh, also enjoyed the post VERY much!! Interesting beginning to documenting your feelings on the drugs and mental health situation.
    Again I wish you luck with this weaning off the drugs. I know you already are aware the longer you have been taking the longer the process, the more complicated too. Drugs can become a crutch which help support issues. I haven’t experience withdraw from psychiatric drugs; I didn’t take them any longer than 3 months as I didn’t want to meddle with my brain chem too much. I was too frightened of the changes they could create, as I had seen others go through things with them. Yet, I do understand withdrawal.
    I have commented on your older post again too; I wondered how young you were being prescribed these drugs?? Maybe you were too young for heavy duty / evasive drug treatments???
    My opinion for what it counts; medicating people 21 and under is a no go. Reason is that essential development and change processes -physical and mental are still being undertaken by the body. I think drugs damage the natural process. Is it mental health or was it the normal you developing and finding its feet?
    I don’t want to belittle your depression, I wouldn’t do that to you; but do you think the drugs have made the situation worse?????? Were the experts too quick in giving you the meds initially???

    Big hugs, and please don’t feel I am intruding upon your own self too much. I suppose I am interested in just hearing your thoughts and feelings on this.
    Bex 🙂

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    1. Thanks so much for the comment. You raise some excellent questions which is very helpful because there is so much I can write about but its good to focus on a couple things at a time. I will address all of these questions in the very near future via another post.

      Thank you for all your interest!

      -Paul

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      1. I will probably read it tomorrow then, as I am trying to avoid writing / using the computer after 7. Need to try and solve this lack of sleep issue, before I go mad!!!

        Thank you for the invite; I will indeed share my thoughts 🙂

        Oh, maybe you could do me the same favour. I am looking at posting about Free Market Principles and the US, plus EU. I had a political debate a week ago, and my response (what I plan to post), was never acknowledged or responded to by the other person involved. I think my words have relevance, although I don’t agree with FMP. I don’t want to offend anyone, so have to be careful it doesn’t look ‘anti-US’ because I am not. I only wish to highlight some reasons for recession and how FMP doesn’t necessarily solve the issues.

        Anyway, take care and enjoy your day!!

        Bex 🙂

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      2. I can do my best to help you out though economics is not something I am especially well versed in. But you might find this interesting. I am an American, born and raised, but I am rather anti-American government, not necessarily people, and I do not try to suppress that in my political writings. So I guess I would try to worry less about offending people, and more focused on writing what you feel! If people don’t like it, then they can find another blog, but since it is your page, write whatever reflects your true thoughts and feelings!

        Maybe that helps?

        -Paul

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      3. Hey, thanks for this, yes I agree with you. I just think people have the tendency to misread words and then judge everything badly. I just want to state my case without being seen as too favourable to any one country, as they all have their faults! I thank you for your opinion though, and it is good to know how you feel about the US Government. It is interesting and wonder why you are opposed to them??
        I hope the post does reflect me??? Maybe I have held back on the ‘rant’ front???
        Bex 🙂

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      4. Looks like I should make a post about this maybe?

        And no worries, everything you write reflects you to one degree or another, I am just a fan of “not holding anything back” or at the least telling it like it is, holding the truth more important than popularity, etc. although I know this is sometimes easier said then done!

        Best,

        -Paul

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      5. True enough, but you see I have people I know reading this too. So, I can’t be 100% free with my words, plus I think people want to know too much. I don’t want to divulge all of myself to the world, and I don’t think I should. If I did, what part of me is left for me?
        There is a question for you!!!

        How honest is honest, and is honesty the best policy all the time??

        Take care,
        Bex 🙂

        P.S: I think I am going to, as this issue is coming up a lot recently for me. It seems to be telling me; ‘write about me, write about me’!!!!!

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  2. Thanks so much for all the honesty and reflection in this post! I hope you had a birthday and I wish you the best of luck withdrawing from the drugs. I know how much of a challenge it can be at times. Last year, at this time, I was on psychiatric meds. and something about them felt inauthentic and limiting. Also, the physical side effects started getting worse.

    So I weened my way off and am now drug free. I have to be pretty self-disciplined and consciousness, but I wouldn’t want it any other way.

    I hope this 22nd year of your life goes well! Keep up the writing.

    Cheers,
    Brett

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    1. Brett,

      Many thanks for the kind comment!! And no worries, I will definitely keep on writing!!

      I wouldn’t mind hearing more about your experience sometime, if you care to share.

      Anyway, thanks again for dropping by!

      -Paul

      Like

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