I will be turning 22, which is just like turning 21, only with a whole lot less significance (drinking age in USA is 21). Ah, one more year is just about to be “in the books,” so before that happens I will do my annual “Life Check-Up” reflection on the past year of, well, my life. Not that I only think about my life once a year, more like everyday, but every year around my birthday I have an urge to take some time to reflect on the year past. Thus, the time is now to continue on with my annual personal tradition, but with a twist – this year its going viral, or at least public, to all viewers of my WordPress page! Whether anyone will read this or not is up to YOU but that is not the purpose of this post. I just thought it might be interesting to publish my personal life goals and such in hopes I might get some motivation or added external insight, or something along those lines. Basically, I am doing what I do every year, but this is the first time my tradition will cross the world wide web. So, without further a due…
Not much has changed. In fact, a lot is pretty much the same as it was one year ago. I am still living at home with my family, and I am still attending the local community college – although I will be graduating upon completion of this Fall semester. But basically, my life in those fundamental regards is exactly the same as it has been ever since…forever concerning living at home, and ever since Fall 2009 since beginning my college career. I am also still taking psychiatric drugs, a combination of four different ones to be exact, which I am unsatisfied with to say the very least. However, I have sort of moved on from talk therapy appointments, which is a good thing, not because I am against talk therapy – for I think it is much more helpful than any given drug – but because it was just time for me to be on my own in a sense. I no loner felt the need to make weekly appointments so I pretty much just stopped going. The last appointment was sometime in the late Spring if I am remembering correctly. So I guess you could say I am proud of that fact, although the medication problem is totally unresolved.
I met a girl, she reads my blog so I don’t want to type things I have yet to verbally say to her – but our friendship is nothing but a good thing. I am glad to have met her, without a doubt. She is one of my very few close friends, and I am truly thankful for that.
I have another really good friend, my man, Sirius. We are pretty tight and he is like a brother to me. He doesn’t read this so I could say whatever I want, but I think I have said all I need to, for now. He’s got a real good heart, despite an unfortunate family situation, and there is nothing less that I want for him than to have Sirius realize and manifest his dreams, whatever they might really be if not The League.
Um, yeah so my life is kinda boring; that or I just cannot think of what to write. Like I said, nothing extraordinary has changed. Or maybe I am just being stubborn, for what I want most of all is to be medication free. A great paradox exists though, which is that due to my numbness – see my previous post – I am unable to feel motivated to do anything about it. This is all very difficult to explain, but as badly as I know deep down that I want to be off of the drugs, I also am very complacent, despite being unsatisfied. I am (un)comfortably numb – and yes, that is a Pink Floyd reference!
That brings me to discussing the future. My primary goal is to withdraw safely and effectively from all psychiatric medication, and to be honest, after I finish up school is as good a time as ever to start the process. This is my tentative plan, since I already have a contact in NYC to a treatment center of sorts that features an excellent doctor, of whose books I have read, and not-so-standard therapists for counseling. This place is as close as perfect as its going to get for me, and its right across the way in NYC. I have emailed the director, and just need to make a phone call to set up an appointment. This gives me confidence in pursuing my goal, and I have yet to meet any of the people that work there. I just have sense that this place will help. And this will be nothing short of absolutely life changing – and all for the better.
Yes my hopes are high, but they should be. I have done extensive research on psychiatry and withdrawal processes which only bolsters my innate hope. I know that, especially in the long run, this process of weening off the drugs will permit me to live a full life – and not just in the sense of aging, but in being fully present in every way.
There will be more to come on this, for sure, but until then if by chance you have any experience or knowledge on the matter of withdrawing from psychiatric drugs, please get in touch or just comment below. Thank you!
So there you have it, a quite short and probably incomplete reflection on my last year of existence and my main goal looking at the year ahead.